Sunday, April 19, 2020

My accomplishment so far- `The Secret Diary of the Chinese President Xi Jinping’

April 11, 2020, 10:07 PM IST  in The WriteClick | World | TOI

November was quite cold here in China- a season where many usually suffered from flu. Our lab at Wuhan has cost me fortune without any desired results; their products being not exportable. You see, in China any activity which is not related to export is not an activity at all. It has been quite a while- in fact, more than a decade now that we are tipped to be the superpower, replacing the US and our good ally Russia. It shames me to death to realize that we are far from overtaking the US. My helpless friend from the neighboring country, His Highness (Self-styled) Kim Jong Un called me up one morning in late October, 2019 and shared some very splendid stratagem, one which could fulfill my long cherished dream of making China the No.1 in the world. It was the first time that HH Kim is of any help to me.
The plan worked as planned. Now, most countries in the world are engaged in managing their physical health and are reeling under tight lockdowns while Beijing is not just alive and kicking but producing goods and services all ready to be exported. The only problem is Mr. Trump, who keeps referring Covid-19 as Chinese virus. Who on earth leaked it to him? Anyways, while that is something which is bound to happen sooner or later, some incidents reported in India where people called their citizens from NE as Corona or Chinese could not make me stop laughing. My plan has actually worked. In reality, it actually is not my plan. I read voluminous books about Indian history in a bid to find some clues of what their weaknesses could be. ‘Divide and rule’ seems to be the one strategy, which the Indians loved to fall for it over and again. Conquerors didn’t have to look for any other plan. “Indians can be defeated by Indians alone,” was my take away from reading their history. The whole part of North East India and especially Arunachal has such a strategic importance both geographically and politically that it is after Tibet that I am thinking of staking my claims. Some Indians are really helping me in my endeavor by already giving them the recognition of Chinese nationality. I cannot wait to torture them like Dalai Lama’s followers.
A few days back, some people told me a piece of very good news about religious fanatics helping me spread the disease far much quicker than the normal reliance on coughing, sneezing and touching thus far. How funny though it is to note that all religions teach people to love one another while fanatics who follow it behaved just the opposite. The Good news being an incident taking place in India, I have huge optimism of observing the good deeds as receiving assistance from my good friends- the Pakistanis. They are dependable on that front. I will not only make sure that China vetoes India’s bid to enter UNSC but also, in the most likely event of a next Kargil happening, I will blame India irrespective of the cause and consequences- just to show my appreciation. This has been communicated to my Pakistani friends today instant.
I still cannot come to terms with how Dr. Li has been made a Hero by international media. There are thousands like him, who defy the state’s order and are being relieved of their duties on earth altogether. There is nothing heroic about it. At best, he was trying to disturb my idea of setting the world in order, where China sits comfortably on the top. My idiot Secretaries handling official figures of those affected by the so designed disease had released a data of 90 percent of the affected recovering from the sickness, raising suspicion from all quarters. I was the one who proposed the figures to be circulated though.  I just hope the vaccine which all medical experts all over the world are now working on it by spending millions of dollars and one which is already in my possession be made available for sale soon. I t is not just the money but the act of selling that gives such a pleasure and excitement, the feeling of which could be hard to fathom for many. We as a nation are addicted to selling so much so, that there were few intellectuals, who even came up with an idea of exporting Chinese lands. ‘Let us complete our mission of exporting people first’ I told them.
By the way, a close aide of mine told me that there are reports of the International court of justice requesting UNHRC to look into this whole issue and ordered us to compensate member countries affected by the virus due to our alleged actions and inaction. This scares me a little because it could hamper my design of accumulating Billions of dollars by sharing the vaccine for the virus, both of which are developed by us. I sincerely hope some people would warn this ICJ for the sake of mankind. Before I stop my dancing pen, my heart goes out to the Consulate General in Australia who got roasted by Daily Telegraph, giving point by point rebuttal to the press communiqué which I personally drafted for them. Everything in the rebuttal was fine, but come on- 2 pages in Daily Telegraph, and not even a single mention of my name whereas Dr. Li’s name featured? This insult will be appropriately answered. May be I will have to talk to my friends in Pakistan again tomorrow.

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